środa, 15 października 2014

What would convince you?

I have recently participated in a really great training run by Sylwia Królikowska-Evenhuis. The training was about Interpersonal Communication and despite the fact that I wasn't sure whether I should go or not I decided to do so and... well, it turned out to be great experience packed with a lot of information (new and reminders) and a ton of fun.
And because I always thought that a good piece of advice and knowledge should be spread, in next few posts I will share with you some of the most important things I heard there.

who knows best?

Each of us was in a situation (and I'm pretty sure that more than once) when we wanted to get something, do something, convince someone to our opinion or plans. It just happens and there’s nothing special about that.
And what have you usually done in such cases? Personally, I used to take notes (either on paper or in my mind) and list all good things which would happen if we did it on my way, I list also bad ones be prepared to protect my idea/proposition. I thought hard about arguments which would convince my interlocutor — what would make him, as well as me, accept the offer?
It was hard. I know what would convince me, but how could I know what would convince the other side? Maybe there's a way to make negotiations easier and more satisfying for both sides? How to end up with a win-win result?

there is a person who knows the answer

And what would happen if you just asked your caller during the conversation, just when he shows any sign of resistance? “What would convince you?”, “What need to happen to do it on my way?”
It's great to come up with propositions but if your partner doesn't agree for any? Isn’t it better to ask him? Who would know better than him what would make him happy?

it can't be so simple...

And it's not always is. Of course, in the ideal situation we will receive an answer with conditions that we can fulfill. But it's not always the case.
What if the counter proposition will be impossible to meet?
Well, we should dig deeper, now there's time for our reaction. We can say that "It's impossible" and end conversation, but it's not our purpose. We want to achieve more, not even compromise, we want one result — a win-win situation when everyone is happy. That's why we can say something like: "ok, that's fine, but maybe there is something different, something within my reach which allows me to make you satisfied with the result?" We can just ask more question.
If the second side also want to make a deal, he will help us. And if not directly (I want this and this), those questions can put us on track, and show us more than we could imagine ourselves.

People are usually willing to help you help them.

it can be even worse

Yes, it can. We can hear simple: "no, there's nothing like that" and our interlocutor will just give us impossible conditions and he would say that's his "last word". Of course, we can ask more questions, but it can bring no result and make the atmosphere even more tense. What then? In that case, simply change the topic. Before you get any answer, first you will have to know "what". What are the reasons why he don't want to help you make a deal. Maybe there's something more and you have to know what. Maybe it's not about proposition? Maybe it's not even because of anything that happened during the conversation? Maybe it's something that is not even related to the case?
After you solve this problem, you can move forward with what is the real goal of your conversation. And I'm pretty sure that if you solve this issue, your partner will be even more willing to help you find answers to your first question.

Now, I'm curious, what would convince you to try it yourself?